From MSNBC, in its entirety:
CRANFORD, N.J. - Residents of this New Jersey town say they are being terrorized by wild turkeys.
Police have gotten a-half dozen complaints about the aggressive gobblers, most of them from a letter carrier. He bashed one of them with a stick after a group of turkeys surrounded his mail truck and wouldn’t let him out, the officials said.
Wild turkeys can grow as big as 4 feet high and are fast flyers, reaching maximum speeds of 55 mph.
My grandfather, after his stint in the Navy, was a legendarily hapless postal carrier, frequently lost, dog-bit, or tender of foot. But damn, he was never held hostage by a gang of marauding turkeys.
Though there was an incident in the deer pen at a petting zoo, in which he was savagely divested of several packets of snack peanuts.
Four feet high? Okay, I might be induced to cry and flee a turkey the size of a fourth-grader...that could attain highway speeds. Cripes! We're getting into Night of the Lepus territory, here.