This week's column addresses the rumor that Keith Richards purportedly snorted a combo of cocaine and his late father's ashes, and speculates on whether that might be bad for him. Let's find out!
Only if he made a habit of it. There are diseases and conditions that can occur from getting small particles in your lungs, but they develop after repeated exposure—for instance, coal miner's lung occurs after years of breathing in coal dust. Experts say Richards should be more concerned about the health effects of the cocaine, his cigarette smoking, and past drug use.
The column goes on for another four paragraphs, further detailing other health woes that might befall Mr. Richards under the circumstances: traces of embalming fluid, the risk of mercury poisoning from any of Pop's dental work, etc. It's exhaustive and very sincere, which delights me no end...because who are we discussing here, again? That's right, KEITH FUCKING RICHARDS. The "concern for health effects" ship HAS SAILED, my friends, likely well before I was born. LOOK AT THE MAN! Inhaling his dead dad, taking a header from a coconut tree: all in a day's work for ol' Keith, I'm thinking. He should team up with the indestructible cheerleader from Heroes, maybe.